pure o

—obsessive compulsive disorder that manifests only with intrusive thoughts, without external compulsions

i am only disappointing myself
i myself am only disappointing
only myself am pointing / at i
am this / i am only dis-
appointing / i appoint myself to dismiss
am i myself in blame only / this self-
appointed pointed i / i feint at me
say self i’m disappointed / i disappoint it’s
what i do / i’m this / my fragile cellophanic membrane
selfish i who is always cleaving to polarities
the point / i have / the one and eternal cellar
i have am / this only / this one i halve
only say it and i’ll disappoint / it points to
self / i dismiss my quaver / i distill and
am pouring / i miss it / i must / i
distribute distance / distort and
cloak myself / i point at this / a distant crescent
a pointed distinction i anoint / i police
the self / oh no / i only meant primordial
to say this / to say one point but this only
only i

chronic lyric: architect

i come home from work and see, o pain,
that you have built

me a dollhouse: brutalist masterpiece
tiny sword suspended above the front door

i built this for us
cement blocks

the size of sugarcubes stacked
and braced with steel pins

even the furniture made
like cubes: cube couch cube

table no soft lines anywhere
a weapon the only decoration

chronic lyric: feeding storm

o pain, that creaking sound
foreshadows a strangler

stage 4 sleep interruption
low libations of serotonin in platelets

we are two shadows holding hands
except you have no hands or shadow

you lay across me like a crust—
dissembling, our easy husk

chronic lyric: corrosion

after my shower you hand me a towel
patterns you’ve embroidered to calm me

i scrub the rust from my locket & hatch
is this corrosion natured or nurtured?

out the bathroom window a vee of geese
pushes south with a splendor i envy

below us in the pebbled driveway
a hyena paces by the front doorstep

o pain, she scents an abundance of gifts