I said If you exist, cut from me the stone of distance
I said then cut me from this wall of my own web-work,
this feeding tube filled with sadness & seltzer, cocaethylene
dreams, sadness & Swiss omelets,
this Rickroll of numb gums & dumb love.
I stayed who I was as if I had an option.
I nursed my bag of maggots, learned to do laundry.
Forty one years bending the bar, biting the bar, my ear pressed to the bar.
Forty one years of Herzog thinking out loud
it was him that moved that ship through the mountains.
Cleared smoke & human patience reveal in my dream
commonness, a plate & glass, the tablecloth pulled.
I have been awake for forty-three hours
moving from complex to strip mall
to escape the voices.
The person in front of me is shopping for a grill
to asphyxiate with. I’m looking for a photo
of my doppelganger falling down stairs.
the hot coals
the ring of snow
the sun behind a mountain
I heat the glass before I put it in my nose.
This could go one of two ways
but anything you try to understand owns you.
My father is all bound up in the haggard
Kodachrome of sleepless weeks.
People once called him fear.
The light you bend towards owns you.
Your lover’s point of view owns you.
The neighbor’s cat owns you.
the empty scale
the empty sky
the world before computers
My mother said it was a worthwhile investment,
the pills, that she didn’t teach me to live fuck to fuck.
She’s painting me a knife that never ends.
The room falls asleep and I wrap myself in a blanket.
I move to a broken chair in the courtyard.
Dawn breaks through a ring of snow around the desert.
To View the Middle as a Position of Dominance
First it is true
We more or less need others
And others, they need not us
In terms of a single pattern
The idea defined by dependency
Is how the notion of affect emerges
As a division between relations in hierarchy
Eventually in the course of accumulation
What remains of the vast spiral of nature is property
To weep is to ask what is in us
And still, it is true