Two Poems
Translated by Jaime Robles with Ma Chengyu; video by Jaime Robles
Translated by Jaime Robles with Ma Chengyu; video by Jaime Robles
Silence, if it has a magnitude, has a direction. In the mirror image of my mirror image I was made. Another day another litmus test, if I’m not pink I’m blue and blue only for you.
Consider the tectonic plates as yet unnamed, the tentacles as yet untwisted in their conduits of cloth, the vertigo of worship and arousal, the subconsciousness to amortize the savoir-faire.
The perpetrators of refraction populate a prism. Two constituents may share a chair. As one is just and one is merciful I’m timing my arrival. A soupcon of angst enlivens a dark day. To never bubble up one doubles down on thou-shalt-not.
My hero’s a generic patriot. An orbit goes elliptical due to a lazy eye. Without a dispensation there’d be no betrothal. Football, tenure and promotion lifted me and placed me on a post then, laughing, drove away. All arms and legs,
I’m swimming in the air. A walking null hypothesis, my road is long and winding, short and winding, long and straight or short and straight. That’s one small step for one great ape. The null hypothesis says nothing can be done.
Forgive them for they are amused but know it not. Their cartilage connected to their ligament, their camouflage connected to their testament, they may not get the message or may not repent in time.
But on a scale of one to ten, how stable is the equilibrium? Knowing, we’d be velociraptors even in our sleep. On hearing that the signal to noise ratio has been trending down, what real or artificial heart would skip no beat?
As in a church that took three hundred years to build, as those three hundred years can’t be brought back, as God without my guidance can’t but stray, the innocent bystander and the butterfly affect each other and the spinning lily stands alone, i.e., apart, i.e.,
the lily finally has it all. Now nature disdains both high and low pressure. Each such creature, each such übermensch is either not invented yet or out to pasture. Which came first, the cosmos? No extraterrestrials are harmed. I’m one of three creatives waiting
to be lauded. When I see a Gulf-of-Mexico sized crater, I’ll know there’s a crater maker. On removing the removable discontinuity, I’m driving through the twilight to the night. I’m not a placeholder, is just what we expect a placeholder to say.
I’ve identified the flying object, now what, what, what’s that in horses’ hands, what’s that in tinkers’ damns, what’s that in sinners’ angry tears. The pixilation averages the twisted bits and dear.
It’s not prehensile so it’s not my atavism and my null hypothesis is, it’s the fall. It’s at a saddle point I’ll minimize my loss and maximize my gain. I’ll emulate the incidental attributes of influencers fluently.
I’ll double-clutch to Doppler shift and grind no gears. The purity of the experience will not be dulled. Spontaneous combustion presupposes a spontaneous combustor, a spontaneous combustor of sound mind.
A universe for every big bang, every big bang in its universe, pursuant to peace treaties my position relative to certain entities is fixed. If it’s not charity when I vend pencils, a ray emanates as from a non-binary star.
It must have been at midnight when the power went out or so the clock says when the clock says I’m alive. The butterfly will see me now. The butterfly will see me now, it’s only been two thousand years.
I think through how I am opposite of fruit,
then move on from my body
to the missing coyotes’ cries.
Our nightly walks
unearth such absence.
The newly built houses
in the former coyote field
are also beautiful at night,
empty beacons —
Desire depends on what is not there
yet. I no longer write of snow because there’s none this year.
We listen for the owls, too.
My thoughts are my body
yet disrupt my body, thread the missing, stitch un to fallow fields, to the beginning
of everything–
Fruit begins with emptied follicles, echoes.
How every night we must
walk the dog, oh how we create time,
walking these ghost fields,
unfruitful.
Still – we’re here talking around goals
as if the terminal edges
are not retreating
inward as if
the mind could still wander
beyond this beige room.
This year and the last and I can be summed up as a beige room,
as a beige room full of sighs
also –
time calculated in heartbeats and dollars
both mine and beyond mine
still beating and silenced, lungs and lungs
beating lungs, sonograms
sound seeking light,
a cry looking for its echo –
My mind is blue –
to use an image you’ll understand.
My mind is most itself in the lung-heart the inner ear
of a glacier, slowing its pace,
calming its walk. The slowest interval
needed
to
still
be
alive.
This is my goal.
I’m trying to learn sign language
knowing I’ve forgotten words in other forms.
My palms grasp uncertain futures.
Finally, some snow –
My mind goes there, the space between
sky and marcescent hands – future hope
& inevitable melt
What is winter now.
I have forgotten to check on the disappeared,
I build I try but still I forget
what my body held –
Each day, I walk past the decaying squirrel and tell no one,
until now
& the dead squirrel becomes ours to share. Here:
My students hand the words I give them back to me,
leave them on slips of paper, throw them away,
leave
the room full
of silence.
The motion for failure is fingers sweeping
the palm – brushing away all I hold.
Still. Still, the possibility that my palms can hold language.
I.
My body like thunder across the field
like thinking like thunder
across the grove beyond the sky — my mind
I think, now the lightning now –
I try to name the trees, the grass, the soil.
Words hold me, containers of hope
limbs sway,
thunder &
I’m trying to tell you
I’m grasping for connection
tendons rhizomes
All I have are shards
of an imprecise mind.
II.
Tell me a poem Tell me a good poem
& I will ask you again –
What is the tree’s name, the one I love?
The deep bark grooves, her sky seeking fingers
birdfull
Say: elm and I will love you
forever, like a poem
like a memory
III.
even the sentence sieves,
yields to the pressure of holding meaning
there is no perfect body
I
feel whole
I
fragment
I
outside
return
inward
whole
what is it to ruin
meaning or soil
or
perfect fragment
I ask so much to be held in you
my heart
I hold I ask:
tiny egg, why
are you not heart-centered, why do we not say by ova, by way of follicle
by bud and love
I used to look to stars, no
constellations
(how impossible to take the sky in
we must fragment, sift sight)
Now, I’m lost in body now
return to navel
thinking through the pieces
thought decomposes
singularly
wholeness is a myth
Try,
a full sentence
We won’t name
in the end,
In the end, take away language that looks backward.
In the end, even the birds are vague –
In the end of love,
for example,
it’s enough to say not,
it’s enough to say
was and knew
and yesterday.
There is an end and you are there –
there will be a bird
whose name I don’t know
but whom I will love.
Quietly enough the Stellar’s jay does not startle,
we walked, yesterday.
There was a misunderstanding when I said love
and you returned it.
Thank you.
the purposelessness
of no
purpose doesn’t
have a
purpose just
like the
sublime’s got
no punch
line but
spiked with
absinthe
and twists
of lime
the punch
‘ll get
you every
time
they say
a door
slams closed
& another
opens, but
isn’t it
a door
shuts &
then another
What do you mean by that?
This?
our eyes enlarge behind the lenses of our glasses. coats out of season and heels worn out. like prisoners at the moment before release. we are held so tightly. and the tall buildings’ windows once dazed by the river. glare down tonight at our home. of pressed wood and carpenter’s glue. glitter paint job in the moonlight. and our belongings piled everywhere. as if we’re about to or will never leave.
i was distressed. voices of others landed in our conversations like spores. when we stood on the curb. its scattered jagged glass reflected the years to come. and our mutiny of life’s more gentle features: hollering on the street like it’s the end of the world. and on the walkway of the bridge. how the form of our breath ascended. like the ghosts of pigeons. floating through the city. and the stars fetchingly arranged.
the intention was always there until it wasn’t. moon glow on the balcony before eviction. i stared across at the alley peppered with bugs and struggle. without a holler or alarm to catfish my attention. i stood there as if standing in line. to be written out or scripted. the last tenant’s plastic plants gathered tightly on the sill. and left for the next one to leave. as they were left for me.
i’m made in the same way. shambling out of the stale fungal scent of my books. through the rusted gate that leads to the cellar. or the courtyard the lobotomized belltower looks down upon. where bullets whine when creditors arrive. in a ripple of wind that once laid down on the sea. people are moving towards me. their arms wide open and slightly animatronic across the concrete. and they hold me against the tides of refusal. as we taste the first light of the day.
the decades of ellipses tracked us home. it’s broken now but weighs the same. and the same emotions linger. pelican wedge overhead. like the hillside cemetery flags fly. we stumble with our bags. as the last days’ dark melodies unwind from passing cars. in the salt pinch of the waves that corrodes the metal railings. along the walls of rock where the ocean begins. and goes on forever.
you are dead but light keeps
coming over the mountain
as you awaken from life you
realize that the mountain is a line
and the light is everything else
no color or substance
nothing but clarity for the
last few moments of finitude
there is a thing Adorno said
about poetry and yet I go on
returning to it reading about
beds into tombs reading about so
much death among future ruins
a lilac a little finger a grain of sand
dust into dust but the light
keeps coming over the mountain
the wine smells like grass again and vice-versa
when I say ghosts I mean his inglorious past
his oiled boots reminded me of gun grease
he shot the lights out once—sunsets made the
age of angels immaterial but we’d sit and watch
planes crash into the mountains we’d burn
tires in order to fuck with the satellites and when
he gave us his teeth we sharpened them on
a landmine the shape and color of a new moon
one cannot conjure out of thin air or the dead blue leaves
cannot make or break cannot hit or beat with belt
cannot swim or shower cleanse bathe or soak in acid
cannot put plastic into effluvial veins one
cannot ride or rail or with tongue the color of snail put napalm
in the black-as-night shoes of a former lover
the street weeps inchoate the sky falls in dribs and drabs
summer summons suicide summer summons situation-comedies
about certain simulacrums concerning the immutability
of young parasitic love one cannot conjure lovelorn mindless
mind-numbing mindfuck gyrate to gunplay cannot do so
clandestinely without what I’ve heard referred to simply as the
gadget one cannot wear black theoretical tightrope-walker’s shoes
and just walk into the distance between hazel and hazelnut
I can already see the wall around
paradise lifting
Ecstatic,
I know no difference
between heaven
and this moment,
your garden
and a bell,
a violin and going crazy.
I wake up ‘n
see
my mother
pulling off my sheet
I look straight ahead
and see my births
layered in
crystal.
I close my eyes
and see
my angel boss
ordering
me around your
sonnet factory.
is holding your hand. Turn around.
Here comes the east. A pool
player frets and struts
watching your footsteps
heart in hand over a new aura
some time when you have time.
All the dead
are like a dachshund
following you around.
She asks
me if
I can
identify
a particular moment.
You mean
the moment, I answer,
when I
become the cliff I hover over
and time goes out with the
tide.
Yes, she
says,
that’s the moment.
i look and you tell me to look and i look
—Laura Walker
Walk so silently that the bottoms of your feet become ears.
—Pauline Oliveros
If I walked with you on a dimly lit afternoon.
If we descended a scrub hillside, the air fine
& dry— where would the trail lead?
A thousand leaves lying on the floor—
a thousand leaves
If we made our way past lichens & bearded moss.
If what looks like bittersweet hangs in spangled vines.
A handful of acorns, waxy & wood brown.
On another coast, acres of shaded farmland—
maples flaming in autumnal red.
If I followed you to where the trees thin—
sheep without a shepherd, no goatherd to be seen,
cracked earth welt & bone switchbacks & brittle grass,
bearded heads bent to the ground
If they lift not a single head at our passing.
If I lay myself among the bracken fern
beside tangled roots & understory—
longing sweat goatherd
If with you I find my way into silence & back again.
If with you every leaf is an instrument—
every oak a song If with you I become
the trail itself— sweat & muscle dry heat.
If my mind parches— & my mouth
dirt dirt shade me dry— the sun
& the land’s uneven tempo,
oak-laden forest & scrubland,
the trail’s wandering score.
If my heart narrows, then circles around.
If first one leads, then the other— you, me
then you again— alternating along the path,
your steady footfall— & mine, echoed
across chaparral— a sound I might
not hear, if I weren’t already listening
If we cut across miles of scrub oak whisked
leaves & surface forest dim light filtered
& wide If we pause to listen— sound poured
round our head every leaf & stem, trembling—
If the forest shook my mind a mountain wind
falling on trees crowns billowing in late afternoon.
hard-packed earth & dappled light it sings
sun-bleached grasses it sings twining wood-
bine & honeysuckle it sings underbrush
& speckled leaf— shall dance & sing
________________________________________
This pastoral sequence derives much of its form and language from Forrest Gander’s Twice Alive, Sappho’s If Not, Winter (trans. Anne Carson), the book of Psalms and Laura Walker’s psalmbook, Obi Kaufmann’s The California Field Atlas, Christopher Marlowe and Sir Walter Raleigh, and, of course, the coast live oak scrublands of Northern California.
& seated by a window at first she might keep the feeling at bay
maybe take a breath or two & staring at the glass the ocean’s
vast flattening & release in the corner of her mind a little tug
not a self she can look in the eye body blurring in & out of focus
though in the presence of this little one she might feel her own
frequency slow to a steady whoosh & the little one sensing this shift
might draw nearer & they might find themselves entering into phase
all around them the feeling of a great heart beating or she might
be out walking with a friend who might turn to her & say describe that
sadness a sudden flush rising behind the eyes or under the skin
a bruised color surfaced in the face of the lake lifting & lapping
gravelly shore a lake is not an ocean she might think to herself
but a body surrounded on all sides with this new safety a person
could navigate this glittery self-contained life & never drown
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under the skin
that bruised color
surfacing
describe that sadness
she might say
a tenderness
rising
behind the eyes
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body blurring in
and out o f focus
two selves rhythms
beating
against
each other
a great heart
pulsing
around them like the sea
& later making her way along the harbor around cement blocks bits of broken masonry
strewn across the jetty she might sit with a hand to her forehead shielding herself from
the sun’s glare as it reflects the ocean’s brilliance its foamy spray catching & releasing
the children playing along the water’s edge it could swallow them at any second she might
think to herself watching their lithe bodies tumble in & out of the surf but no day is
without its movement she might say to herself reaching down to brush the sand from her
ankles stopping to press her ear against the pipe angled into the ocean like a periscope
listening to its open-mouthed whoosh she might hear something of the body’s origins
its rhythmic thunks & gurgles the tide going out & coming back empty masts of sailboats
bobbing along the dock & the sky’s limitless blue & in the distance the lighthouse in its
immovable clarity keeping watch over all aspects of the sea an unlit eye staring in six
directions at once & the murmur of waves in the air the pull of some immeasurable depth
drawing her into the restless element of her own interior its lively & perpetual music
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at the water’s edge
sea
the sky
the waves
its foamy white spray
![]()
pulling her
deeper
in her
infinitude
a restless blue that
spreads and spreads
the sea’s steady music
rocking her
from within
![]()
O
sea
resonant
its music
surge and return
tide
going out empty
and coming back
whole
Two dark red painted boats bring dusk from upstream,
moored for a long time, emitting smoke, like two dowries
waiting to be opened, barges carrying sand and stone
pass under the bridge arch, almost soundlessly,
under the bow light, a few white plastic boxes
nurturing flowers, someone in love, unmoved by the flowing water.
Fine rain wets the lanterns, no one rides a donkey in the drizzle,
passing through doors and gates, no one ties a lean horse under the willow tree,
unfolds poetry scrolls and dark swords from yellow parcels,
how many old things along the riverbank are hidden by the willow colours?
They only emit faint light and sighs when there is no one in the deep night.
But there will still be someone waking up against the wall,
what he supports just waits for him to fall,
like a dead end filled with miniature landscapes,
at the southern end of the canal, those irregular heads
shine like lights, instinctively pure.
I can’t have a life as long as a river,
the skeletons of moths revolve around my silent brain.
Don’t regret, just turn off the lights,
this is your night, this is the world’s way,
autumn rain is still falling in the darkness,
still disappearing into the waters of the Grand Canal.
In my hometown, snowfall
is a frequent occurrence,
those I asked about the news of snow
have vanished deep within the hometown,
just like snow vanishing into the sky.
And then, cold seeps from a single word,
like frost emanating from within a stone.
Some people returned, exhaling air,
nameless yet oddly familiar.
Because snowfall, in my hometown,
is a frequent occurrence,
as if riding in a car, the road seems to be rushing towards you,
rough landscapes are illuminated,
only to be engulfed by endless darkness moments later.
Step by step, you step along snowflake stairs
down to the street; often, the street
is a deep black river,
you are on the riverbed, flickering like a failing signal.
Snowflakes gather around your head
like the final tribute to a thought
continuously surprising you, wherever you go,
like a jellyfish stirring up dust – it takes a lifetime to be born.
These snowflakes in the dark
are the remnants of everything you touch,
transmitted to you through your fingertips;
it seems that you are always the uncertainty they crave.
Inch by inch, you lose your skin,
blood, bones; you become the wind without nerves,
beyond the ancient struggle between being and nothingness.
You rise again, like snowflakes from the depths,
no-longer flickering awake
but falling asleep again; relaxed and nameless.
we have this chance, when the sun opens
all the doors, somebody died, someone
lost the answers in the night sky, don’t
say it, don’t say that, I tried to be in the
space, I made the plastic capsule, we’ll
come running, daydreams in hand,
there’s less now, just, there are fewer,
fewer minutes, fewer useable minutes, I
was dazzled by the words, I couldn’t
read them, be specific, say place names,
Cambridge, Southie, Providence, place
names don’t place me in my life, he said
when I was a kid, when I was your age,
when I was this, when I was that, there
was no room for me, we got used to it,
we are getting used
to it, we fall upon the thorns of life, we
bleed, and this pen, this notepad, he left
pages and pages, key words, he left I’m
not the man I think I am at home,
make the sound of some dying mouth,
give me back my life, give back what
once you gave, so they gave you the
earth, or they said they did, the earth said
remember me, I was trying to stay sane
in the other pages of the book, I am
respectable, what passes for respectable,
we are quite literally here, draw the sign
in the corner of the page, return to the
breath, he just doubled down and tripled
down on knowing the names of flowers,
he seemed to come out of nowhere,
filling the page with light, the page as
slab of light, work was my salvation he
said, get to work, get back to work, we are
the people who mask, look, a picture of a
blackberry, why can I remember that, so
I’m writing to you again, I guess I’m
saying anything and everything, how can
you leave me, how could you die, I know
you wanted to see him again, what did it
feel like to pass over, to go there, oh, how
I’d love to be in that number, turning the
paper this way and that, I want you to
read this and imagine me: in Berkeley,
in Chicago, drinking tea, eating apples,
walking slowly in the blustery day, the
day was full of talking animals
(head full
of
plastic
(“you can
be anything
you put
your mind
to” (are
we
extinct?
(colors burn
like garbage
on fire
(we
shoot
cows in
the head
(the wind-
washed
air
(roses
(bones
(bones and
dirt
and (we’re
waiting to
die (we’re
waiting to
pray (God
the rabbit
afraid
(God the
cat
dying (God
are not
my days
few (rain
side-
ways
(redwoods
(on
fire (horses
on
fire